


The Arlen House

by TheFoolsYouSee



Category: King of the Hill, The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Comedy, Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26382628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFoolsYouSee/pseuds/TheFoolsYouSee
Summary: The Hill family question everything they know when they have an encounter with the supernatural.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 29





	The Arlen House

The front lawn was glistening impeccably in the evening light. Hank felt a swelling of pride at the immaculate stretch of green and knew that if the good Lord saw it himself, He would turn a blind eye to that particular sin. Every equally-cut blade of grass swayed in unison in the breeze, and even the trash can seemed to be…

“Aw Peggy, there’s a possum after our scraps again.”

“Let him be, Hank. I read an article saying our leftovers are cultivating an environment of urban wildlife.”

Hank shook his head as he stared through the kitchen window.

“Every day after sirloin night... Hey, I see you finally threw out those Halloween masks, Bobby!” Hank turned to his son who was sat at the kitchen table, sharing a teen magazine of some kind with his older cousin Luanne. Hank felt like he should reward such an act of clarity and gave the boy a smile. “Good job!”

Bobby looked up and frowned.

“Uh… sure. Thanks, dad.”

Luanne looked up too, in deep thought. “If we’re feeding a possum, does that mean it’s our pet?”

“No Luanne,” Peggy placed plates of food in front of her and Bobby. “We’re just giving a poor creature some support from a manageable distance.”

“Oh!" Luanne brightened with understanding. "Like Mister Dauterive!”

Hank nodded at the comparison and looked back out of the window.

“Boy, that thing’s sure got his head right up in there.” He chuckled, before turning away and taking his seat at the table. Peggy brought over the remaining plates and they all sat down to dinner.

“You know, I got a call from McMaynerberry Secondary this afternoon.” Peggy announced.

Hank sighed and shook his head.

“We’re not that hard up, we could still take out a second mortgage.”

“They were looking for personal Spanish tutors for some of the slower children. I told them I have a minimum fifteen-child rate for classes, so we’ll see what offer they come back with.”

Hank suppressed an admiring look at his wife as she cut up her vegetables. Peggy was such a confident spirit, and he was moved to do something nice for her. He resolved to give the Chevrolet a full check-up at the weekend.

The doorbell rang as he was chewing his second mouthful. That was odd. While there was nothing in the neighbourhood charter that designated mealtimes, Hank had always tried to set an example that dinner hours were between six and eight PM.

“I’ll see who that is.” He sighed, standing up from the table. If Bill hadn’t been able to last without company for the half hour since their beer in the alley, he’d kick his ass.

But it wasn’t Bill; Hank opened the door to two ladies, an older woman with a mass of grey hair and a headscarf, and a teenager, both of them giving toothy grins. Hank gave a polite smile back, trying to ignore the grumbling of his stomach.

“Good evening, may I help you?” He asked.

“Hello!” The younger one said, seemingly cutting off the elder. “We’re new in the area, and we were just admiring your lovely home!”

“Yes,” added the grey-haired woman, who was glancing frantically around. “You have lots of… human things!”

“Oh, why thank you!” Peggy appeared at Hank’s side, drawn to the unfamiliar voices. “I’ve tried to make the place look as relatable and welcoming as possible. Where have you just moved into?”

The two newcomers made vague noises and uncommitted gestures, but Peggy nodded her head.

“The end house on Magnolia Drive, I knew that would eventually go to the right buyer. Please, won’t you come in? We’d love to give you the full Arlen welcome!”

Hank stepped back with a fixed smile as the now-guests entered their home. He knew it was his Christian duty to be a good host, but he got the feeling he was going to end up missing JAG.

“I’m Peggy Hill, and this is my husband Hank.” His wife was continuing as she led them into the living room.

“Eda the- Eda Clawthorne.” The elder woman shook Peggy’s hand firmly. “And this is my beloved daughter Luz.”

“Adopted!” Luz added quickly, just as Hank was frowning at their vastly different skin tones. “Adopted daughter.”

“Luz!” Peggy took the teenager’s hand excitedly. “Seeyentaytay como en caysa, pore favore!”

The girl winced at Peggy’s Spanish, but nodded with a forced smile.

“We had just sat down to dinner,” Peggy continued. “But I’m sure I can scrounge up another couple of plates’ worth. You two take a seat while I rescue the applesauce.”

Eda and Luz sat on the living room couch while Peggy left Hank standing over them. He rocked on his feet, conscious that the temperature of his food on the table was dropping by the minute.

“So…do you have all your heating needs met in the new house?”

Eda waved him a dismissive hand. “Yes, yes, heating, plumbing, haunted talismans that scurry around of their own accord. Say, you wouldn’t happen to have seen anything like that, would you?”

Luz was giving a smile, and Hank followed her gaze behind him to see Bobby and Luanne’s heads peeking out to investigate the newcomers.

“Whoops!” He pulled Bobby out beside him with a chuckle. “This is our son, Bobby and our niece Luanne. Say hi kids.”

Bobby eyed Eda. “Your tooth looks like a classy vampire’s.”

“Gotdang it, Bobby!” Hank gave the boy a pinch, although the woman on the couch seemed genuinely flattered and ran her tongue over the one golden tooth that bit over her bottom lip. Luanne went and sat on the other side of Luz on the couch.

“I love your hair, it’s so tufty!” She said, running a finger through one of the brown strands poking out from the girl’s head. Luz seemed to shiver a little at her touch and shifted awkwardly in her seat.

“Oh, t-thank you! I like your, um, your top!”

“You’re so sweet. I thought it was a bit tight, but the man at the store said it’s so I don’t have to wear a bra!”

Luanne bounced up and down on the sofa a couple of times in demonstration. Luz seemed to be trying to speak, but could only sputter a little. She looked away, putting her hands over her face which was reddening with what Hank could tell was good Christian modesty.

“Good Lord Luanne, will you keep those to yourself?” He scolded.

Eda gave Luz a comforting pat on the shoulder, an amused expression on her face.

“Did this man _work_ at the store by any chance?” She asked the blonde teenager.

“No, I don’t think so.” Luanne replied.

Hank coughed. “So, have you fully explored the neighbourhood?”

“Yes, we wanted to find out more about the area.” Eda was glancing around the room as she spoke. “Have there been any weird things happen lately? People acting out of character?”

“Well, if you met Dale across the street then you’d have a different ceiling for ‘weird’.” Hank chuckled, although his two guests stared at him blankly.

Eda then nudged Luz, and motioned towards Hank’s armchair. Luz reached up her hand to scratch her ear and then flung her hand towards the chair.

“Whoops! I dropped my earring, let me just-“ She dived onto the floor and stuck her hand under the armchair.

“Here, let me.” Hank went over to the chair to tilt it back.

“No, really it’s okay, I’ve almost- OW!”

Luz flinched her hand back just as Hank lifted the chair; he saw something dark and sharp on her hand, like a big yellowjacket wasp except it was trailing a loop of material behind it. Luanne squealed as Luz waved her arm around away from her face.

“Get the bag!” She shouted and Eda pulled out a small sack the size of a coin purse. She grabbed Luz’s wrist, but the small creature leapt onto Eda’s fingers and sunk its teeth in, making her cry out.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” Hank grabbed Eda’s hand.

“Please, it’s fine, it doesn’t even hurt.” Eda grimaced through painful tears. She tried to tug her hand out from Hank’s tight grip as he made grabs at the squirming insect. With a final yank she fell backwards onto the couch.

Hank looked at the pale hand that had remained in his.

“Bwaaahhh!” He cried as he dropped the body part to the floor, the small black creature still gnawing on its flesh.

“The applesauce had drained away, but I’ve reheated some pasta from last night.” Peggy said, entering the room holding a bowl. “I thought we’d share out the meats between us. Now, I cannot help but notice that your hand has become detached from your body. What should my reaction to that be?”

* * *

The human family were all staring down at Eda’s hand on the living room floor; the talisman that Luz, Eda and King had chased through the portal into the human realm seemed to be content to chew on one of the long fingernails for the time being. Luz saw Eda start to raise a finger on her other hand, and a spark appeared in the air at her fingertip.

“It’s a prosthetic!” She yelled quickly, making Eda glance over and lower her finger at Luz’s meaningful look. “It’s just your prosthetic hand, isn’t it Mom? A perfectly normal, fake human hand that _doesn’t move_.”

The hand had been tip-toeing away while the family had their eyes on Luz, and it quickly dropped inanimately to the floor again as they looked back.

“Whoa.” Said Bobby, looking it over with awe. “Did you make it this cool yourself, or did you have to change your whole look to match it?”

Eda bent down and snatched her hand back up as Bobby reached over an inquisitive finger. She screwed it back onto her wrist and, trying to keep one set of fingers as stiff and unmoving as she could, peeled the squirming talisman off and stuffed it into her small bag. Her apprentice watched the family with a nervous smile as Eda pulled the drawstring tightly closed and stuffed the bag into her hair.

“Sooo…” Luz clapped her hands together, quickly glancing away from the girl wearing too little who she was trying not to be distracted by. “Thank you for having us in your nice home, but I think we’d better be on our-“

“UNHAND ME, YOU MISERABLE DOG!”

Luz cringed at the sound of the indignant, high-pitched voice. They’d been so close.

To her surprise it _was_ actually a dog who brought King in from the back yard into the living room, a wrinkled bloodhound who clutched its captive’s fur in its teeth, dropping the small skull-headed creature onto the floor in front of its master. King immediately leapt back to his feet and pointed an accusing claw at the animal.

“You will rue the day you crossed the King of all demons!”

He glanced around at the others in the horrified silence that followed.

“Oh, there you are.” He said, clocking Eda and Luz. “Hey, you found it!”

Luz looked up at Eda – the bag was wriggling out of her hair. The older witch made a grab for it, but the bag fell to the floor and the talisman squeezed itself out through the opening. The dog started to growl and the talisman hissed back at it.

“Ladybird, get back!” Hank grabbed the dog’s collar and pulled it away. Luz’s mind raced to find even partially believable explanations, but it was too late; Eda had already drawn a circle in the air angled down at the talisman. A spray of ice streamed out of the golden ring and engulfed the furious trinket. It jittered for a moment, before freezing still under a layer of ice.

“Okay.” Eda ran a relieved hand through her hair. Luz reached out an arm helplessly, too late to stop Eda’s headscarf from being swept off to reveal her long, pointed ears. The elder witch picked up the small block of ice as she continued. “That’ll last for about an hour, plenty of time to get back to the portal.” She replaced it in the bag, which she returned to her hair before looking round at the humans, who were all cowering behind the couch.

“You’re welcome.” She intoned.

* * *

“What was that?” Peggy breathed, terrified.

“Magic.” Luz sighed guiltily. “That… that was magic.”

“Magic is real?!” Bobby looked at the newcomers to his home in wonder, before turning furiously to his father. “You LIED to me!” He screamed, whacking him on the arm.

“Hey, stop that!” Hank stood up and made his way over to the other side of the couch.

“Now, I don’t know what I just saw,” He fixed the trio before him with a stern look. “But I distinctly heard the word ‘demon’ mentioned a moment ago.”

He looked down at King.

“I don’t suppose you’re a, uh, smaller gentleman in some sort of costume?”

“Nope!” King shook his head. “There ain’t no more layers to this birthday suit. Touch my skull - you can feel when I squelch my brain!”

Hank retracted his hand with a shudder. He eyed the now prominent points of Eda’s ears coming through her hair.

“And you’re a witch of some kind, is that right?”

Eda scoffed, offended. “I am the _most powerful_ witch on the Boiling Isles!” Her expression then turned to a smirk. “Although in your human mythology I think you call it ‘Hell’.”

Luanne gasped. “Witches and demons from hell! Pastor Sherman told us they would come to our homes!”

“I think he was talking about immigration.” Bobby assured her.

Peggy was shaking her head at Luz. "I knew there was a reason you couldn't understand my Spanish!"

"Now, hang on a moment." Hank looked the girl over. There didn't seem to be anything especially peculiar about her, no strange ears, terrible teenage fashion sense... “You don’t look like you’re from, uh-” He glanced back at his son. ”-that place. You’re a sweet girl, you’re not caught up in all this unholy wiccan business are you?”

“I know it’s confusing,” Luz said diplomatically. “But magic really isn’t as bad as all that.”

“Yeah, we just saved your life!” The small furry... creature shook his paw angrily up at Hank.

Hank drew himself up to his full height. “Whether or not that’s so, this is a God-fearing household. I know that witchcraft has turned into a cool new trend and it’s not like the old days of worshipping Satan or women sharing love with each other-“

Luz started to raise her hand. Eda read the room and batted it down.

“-but we just don’t stand for that kind of thing here in Texas." Hank continued. "Now, I’m afraid I’m going to have to politely banish you from my home. You'll have to try your luck in Arkansas.”

* * *

“Yup.”

“Eeyup.”

“Yep”

“Mmh-hmm.”

The day that had followed his encounter with the supernatural had been a strange one. Hank had kept wondering if some other monster would appear from around a corner, if not now, then sometime in the future. If this really had been a glimpse into the unseen battle between the divine and the profane, he had wondered why it was the forces of evil who were the ones who had made themselves seen when he’d been visiting the Chief Executive Operator of the righteous in His house on a weekly basis.

“I’ve been following their progress for years.” Dale was saying. “The matriarchal covens have been infiltrating the highest levels of government since the Women’s Lib movement. You probably met some of their agents.”

Bill kicked the can he had dropped on the alley floor.

“I still can’t believe you didn’t introduce me to that single mother.” He pouted.

Hank sighed. “Bill, she was an infernal servant of the devil. Even you need to have some standards.”

He took another swig of his beer thoughtfully. The magical trio had left without much of a fuss after Hank had been firm with them, although the little furry one had stared daggers at Ladybird as he went. Just as they’d gone, the girl had turned back to look at Bobby, apparently seeing something in his face that Hank hadn’t been able to perceive, and told him there was nothing wrong with being himself. Hank agreed, obviously. He had just always wanted to make sure that there were some prudent decisions made about which version of himself Bobby became. Although the way Eda had put a parental arm around Luz as she’d taken her back to train in whatever demonic arts they practised had been the thing that had shaken Hank the most. It made him think of the times he could have used that kind of supportive touch.

“It’s weird.” He thought aloud. “Finding out that there’s folk out there really dealing with this supernatural stuff makes me realise that they’re just… folk. You might bump into them at the grocery store, or almost share a meal with them. Just because they’re tapping into the dark powers of witchcraft, does that make them bad people?”

The four men stood in silence, mulling the question over.

Then Boomhauer cleared his throat.

“Tell you what more in heaven and earth than dang old dreamt of in our gotdang philosophy talking bout dang old takes all sorts to make a gotdang world man gotdang never know where someone else is coming from you know dang old he who throws the first gotdang stone talking bout no judgement man.”

Hank nodded.

“Yup.”


End file.
